Talking in the Wind

He is so affectionate. Told me he'd put me above the others, always. That "I knew that." He'd drop anyone for me. Says he respects me the most out of any other girl he knows. Even then he won't invest his time in me. His priorities are somewhere else, his actions show this clearly.  Or he's given up.  He speaks so highly of me to others. When asked by a stranger how he expects to ever win over a girl as lovely as me (that was SO flattering), with how he behaves, he can't answer. With saying all of this, I'm still struggling. What is wrong with me. I know better, I do. I still want what he says to be true. So badly. But why? What do I actually gain by winning him over? Nothing, I'd have nothing more than only sub par to what I actually need.

Need/Want.

Why do I invest all of this thought into him? He can't commit. I'll be left forever desiring more than what he could ever give me. I could even leave him heart broken. That'd be awful too.

He will never respect enough;
He will never be strong enough;
My heart will never feel safe enough;
He will never be man enough;
He will never make me better;
He will never make me feel like I'm enough.

He'll never be able to give me all that I need. That I desire. He knows how to do so many other things, but he won't ever be able to give me the most important things to me. God has blessed me with a very clear picture of what I need. A love like Jesus loves. And man is capable of trying to do this, to live up to this. That's what I want in a man. Apparently this vividness is not something everyone can see. Yet, I'm pushing this blessing of insight away.

I'm being stupid. I am struggling to let this go. But I'm praying, and even though it's hard, Jesus is making His moves for change. Against my will, but with better judgement and my better interest in mind, as always.


"It's all talk, talk, talk, talking in the wind. It only slows you down if you start listening."