Monday, December 30, 2013

Life Weekend Update

This was the weekend of the top tier. My number one and number two slotted fellows were visited with on the same day in very different settings. I was also pestered when making my weekend escape by those I am avoiding. (Boys that I deemed off limits that won't take no for an answer). So there's that. Anyway, I'm writing to organize my thoughts. Sometimes it's as if I don't know what I think until I write it down.

So. Here goes.


Music has a way of inspiring feeling and thought. Not necessarily profound, but a revelation nonetheless. Untouchable by T Swift was my anthem today. I've been untouchable, burning brighter than the sun.  I attract attention I haven't been looking for, or at least haven't wanted. And I got to thinking about *Why*. What it is that makes me do this hesitation with guys so much.  I actually know, and it's because I'm caught up in number 2.  I've been waiting for him to come around and for our lives to match up so we can finally jump then fall, all the while knowing he isn't about it.. But I don't talk to him about it for fear of chasing him away. The one time we were close, we opted out because we thought if we did, we'd lose the friendship we've come to love. Timing is everything and I'm always late. 

So we keep each other up to date. Dating lives and all. Number one, now his family is wonderful and welcoming and fun. He's the sweetest guy with the best saved heart. He can tell I'm holding back and careful but I'm up for getting to hang out and get to know each other better...and I think he knows that. I may need to drop number 2 completely to make room for number 1. I don't want to do that..but it may be necessary after all to move along. Or at least to create more distance for a little while so I'm not emotionally attached to numero dos. It stinks because for girls that's a hard tie to break, for guys it's more the physical which is a line we haven't crossed... with the exception of a couple kisses spontaneously, hand holds, and a snuggle sesh we had a way long time ago. 

What excuse or justification will I come up with next as I string myself along this trail that surely leads me nowhere? 



Opinion

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