A really good Reason to End the Relationship
Welp. I read the above article....and it was all too true. Applicable. Nailed it. I just ended things with my Mr. PerfectOnPaper (Follower of Christ, tall, athlete, kind, loved line dancing..you know..the good stuff). It was absolutely terrifying. My gut knew the truth the entire time, and I couldn't take it anymore. He said he'd have married me. I really think he thought I was his person, but we were together a year and he didn't know me at all. He loved the idea of me, but not actual me-and that's a bit painful to accept too.
So I saw him with another great girl at church, at the Christmas Eve service (intimate). It was his whole family. And her. That was so hard to see and accept, but that's what I wanted-he needs to find the person for him, it's not me. I want to maintain a friendship but I don't know if he can handle that, really. I think the difficult and heart-wrenching aspect of it all just came from being replaced...sort of prideful, but dang. That's rough.
Tuesday, January 6, 2015
Let's Catch Up
This concert weekend was a test in more than one way, allow me to explain:
Buck was there -_- after I just had the best time with Clint..of which Buck was also there-not present really because he distanced himself...but the best part was I didn't even notice he did. You see, Buck likes to push my limits and doesn't care to protect me from regret. He teases in every way. He's alluring. Things with Clint are different. We can talk below the surface, he loves like Jesus does, he's encouraging, no games-calls/texts first (and one better, I'm not afraid to text first). Holds hands. Cares openly. Thoughtful. We have similar humor... IT'S SO REFRESHING. There are no gray areas! He told me to never feel embarrassed around him and we are impressed by each other, not bored. I like where this is going, he's just 3 hours away...where Buck actually lives for school.
I told Buck (because we are supposed to be "friends" ..again -_-) about how excited I was about Clint. It was (not surprisingly) ill received. He ignored it and then tested me out. He doesn't respect me or my feelings at all. I say this because he promised me he would not pursue my friends because it bothers me so much. I know that he is not only doing this AGAIN, but also with my ex boss. That screwed me over. Great. Sounds like I'm trying to convince myself, but it's all true. I still feel for him, but I know he can't give me what I need: security. Clint can. So far anyway. It's too soon really, however we are both open in that we want to spend more time together. I've never been in a situation where I like someone who likes me at the same time that I'm excited about. Never. Out of all the relationships I've given chances, I have never had one like this. It's always been a set up, or a you'd be great together, or me not being entirely convinced.
Then there's the clueless cop, pushy NYC, desperate Airforce, two faced church boy, perfect J, sad footballer, etc. bouncing around my inbox as well. I refuse to lead them on but respect their attempts at relationships...sort of...some are sort of terrible.
Buck was there -_- after I just had the best time with Clint..of which Buck was also there-not present really because he distanced himself...but the best part was I didn't even notice he did. You see, Buck likes to push my limits and doesn't care to protect me from regret. He teases in every way. He's alluring. Things with Clint are different. We can talk below the surface, he loves like Jesus does, he's encouraging, no games-calls/texts first (and one better, I'm not afraid to text first). Holds hands. Cares openly. Thoughtful. We have similar humor... IT'S SO REFRESHING. There are no gray areas! He told me to never feel embarrassed around him and we are impressed by each other, not bored. I like where this is going, he's just 3 hours away...where Buck actually lives for school.
I told Buck (because we are supposed to be "friends" ..again -_-) about how excited I was about Clint. It was (not surprisingly) ill received. He ignored it and then tested me out. He doesn't respect me or my feelings at all. I say this because he promised me he would not pursue my friends because it bothers me so much. I know that he is not only doing this AGAIN, but also with my ex boss. That screwed me over. Great. Sounds like I'm trying to convince myself, but it's all true. I still feel for him, but I know he can't give me what I need: security. Clint can. So far anyway. It's too soon really, however we are both open in that we want to spend more time together. I've never been in a situation where I like someone who likes me at the same time that I'm excited about. Never. Out of all the relationships I've given chances, I have never had one like this. It's always been a set up, or a you'd be great together, or me not being entirely convinced.
Then there's the clueless cop, pushy NYC, desperate Airforce, two faced church boy, perfect J, sad footballer, etc. bouncing around my inbox as well. I refuse to lead them on but respect their attempts at relationships...sort of...some are sort of terrible.
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